Don't Look Back (Or He Is Lost To You)
by Another Writer Who Loves
Summary: "You two can walk right out of hell, demons won't touch you. Hellhounds will stay away. Hell won't try to keep you and won't try to confuse you." "But here's what you got to do, or rather, not do. You can't look back." Dean goes to get Sam out of hell and out of Lucifers cage, but there is a deal to be made if he wants to get out.


He knew that it was his imagination but it honestly felt like his legs were burning. He ignored it and pushed on, keeping his pace and walking on.

_"Alright, let's make a deal then Dean. You can have your brother, no strings attached, just need to follow a few rules."_

Dean brought his arm up to wipe at his forehead, breathing heavily as he kept his gaze forward, walking.

_"You two can walk right out of hell, demons won't touch you. Hellhounds will stay away. Hell won't try to keep you and won't try to confuse you."_

The smell of sulfur was overwhelming, at least in the beginning, but he had slowly gotten used to it, managing to ignore it as he kept walking.

_"But here's what you got to do, or rather, not do. You can't look back."_

He could hear the demons around him, leering and jeering, he could hear their shouts and insults. Some remembered him when he had been the one torturing them and they were more than eager to get back their seven pounds of flesh against him.

_"Just what I said. You can't look back at Sam."_

Maybe it was his imagination but he could almost hear hellhounds as well, right in the distance. It made sense to hear their howling, he was in hell after all, but it made everything inside of him feel like he had been submerged in ice water and he had to force himself to keep walking.

_"No looking back. No reaching back to touch him. You won't hear him even if he speaks. If he's even still there."_

Despite himself he strained his ears to try to hear more, tried to push past the sounds that were washing over him completely. He closed his mouth to try to keep his breathing silenced as well, trying desperately to hear a simple sound. The sound of footsteps behind him.

_"No, no. I'm letting him go. I won't be holding him back. This is all in your hands right now Dean."_

There wasn't anything and Dean tried to calm himself, tried to remind himself that it was because of what Lucifer had said that he wouldn't be able to hear anything at all the entire time that he was in hell.

_"But that's the thing, how sure are you that Sam is going to be following you?"_

Every step felt like torture and every other step he stumbled over his own feet, but would quickly straighten himself, shoulders rolled back and kept walking.

_"You think we didn't use this? You think we didn't have this scenario play again and again? Just to watch him have hope and take it away?"_

It was actually easy to listen to the demons and everything they were spitting at him. It gave him something else to focus on rather than just the task at hand or his own mind going insane.

_"It was a personal favorite really, using you in any way that we could. And he would always fall for it, at least in the beginning."_

One demon had its hand reaching for him but being held back by something unseen. Once that failed it spat out, "Where are you going all by yourself Dean?"

_"He started to wise up to it, started to see the signs we couldn't hide. Noticed things that we didn't know about so he learned how to ignore it all."_

Dean stopped in place, unable to keep moving. He couldn't breathe, he couldn't move, all he could hear was the demons words again, all by himself. All by himself.

_"We even did this, so many times. That you had come to get him. That we let him go with these same guidelines, don't look back and if you do he's lost."_

He strained once more to hear something, anything. A breath, a movement, a foot scraping along the ground and stone.

_"Here's the thing, he always followed you, like a little puppy tripping over his own feet. He believed in this one so much that it almost made me want to use something else."_

Anything. Anything at all.

_"But then we showed him the truth. Or something different. Sometimes we reveal it to him."_

There was nothing, nothing but the shouts of the demons. The crackle of hellfire burning around them.

_"Sometimes your so called faith, lack of it, makes you look back at him and he sees just how little you trust him."_

Dean took a deep breath.

_"And that was a fun one, that broke him more and more every time."_

And kept walking forward.

_"He didn't even follow the last few times. No matter what we told him. He refused to follow, just remained with us no matter how believable we made it."_

He had faith, he had faith in Sam. And Sam had faith in him. He was going to lead them home.

_"No you're not going to see him at all. You're not going to talk to him at all. You're going to turn back the way you came and start walking."_

He was going to lead them home.

_"And you're going to keep walking."_

He almost felt like sobbing in relief when he finally saw the portal he had created with Cas's help. He hurried his pace as much as his legs allowed him to.

_"Until you reach the opening you made into hell."_

Just a few steps. Just a few more steps, that's all he had to take, that's all that was left. Anxiety and panic suddenly shot through him.

_"You're going to leave hell, you're not going to turn around until the portal is closed."_

What if it had been all for nothing? What if Lucifer hadn't let him go or worse? What if Sam hadn't followed him? What if all of this meant nothing because his little brother didn't believe in it?

_"Only then are you going to turn around and see if Sam followed you."_

The sudden rush, the blatant desire to turn around to make sure was strong enough that his legs buckled and he had to stop, small gasps escaping him as he dug his nails into his palm as hard as he could.

_"And only then."_

He could feel his entire body shaking, stopped in place and unable to keep his legs moving, wanting more than anything, more than even his own life at that moment, to just turn around, just to look and make sure.

_"Can you look back and see if Sam is there."_

One look...it couldn't hurt. Lucifer wouldn't have a way of knowing, he was back in the cage. He couldn't see them, surely he couldn't see them.

_"We'll tell Sam, he'll see your back, and then he'll decide whether to follow you or not. I won't lie to him, I'll tell him the same things I told you."_

Just enough to know if this had been for nothing.

_"And if you fail? If you look back before it's right? Sams going to be snapped right back here with us."_

One look. Just...one...look.

_"And you're never going to have another chance ever again."_

He kept walking.

_"You believe you have faith in your brother, that's cute. But how much faith does he have in you after all we've done to him?"_

Dean felt his entire body shudder as he walked through the portal and kept walking. Wanting a few more feet between him the portal, enough to give room for the other person to walk into the room without touching him.

_"How much faith do you think is left in Sam that he would try to believe this, just one more time?"_

Dean slumped forward, hands on his knees as he gasped for air, coughing and feeling for a moment that he was about to have a panic attack. He could hear the portal behind him close up and disappear.

_"So start walking Dean."_

There was no noise, there was nothing, not a hint of another person being in the room with him.

_"And remember."_

Swallowing hard, heart beating rapidly in his ears as he swore he was having a heart attack, feeling as if he was about to throw up.

_"Don't look back."_

He turned around.

**I do not own Supernatural. **

**316/365**

**I do take requests so if you have requests you can send them to me.**

**This was entirely inspired to me by Hadestown.**


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